Monday, September 8, 2008

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly I

"Oh, fine, Coach, we'll tackle him, if we have to."

The Good: Jamal Lewis still runs like a man and despite only being 11-24, Derek Anderson was actually pretty sharp, only making a couple of ill-advised throws and throwing zero picks. Too bad we dropped at least half a dozen, Braylon Edwards accounting for four all by himself. Good to see that Kellen Winslow didn't forget how to catch.

The Bad: What happened to the offensive line? Not enough holes for the running backs and far too many blueshirts were able to waltz on through to disrupt a decently-called game. And sure, Donte Stallworth, Brodney Pool and the Best Special Teams Player on the Planet, the Mighty Josh Cribbs, were out, but yikes.

The Ugly: Holy fuck, the defense. I can't even begin to describe how putrescent this abysmal fuckery was. Imagine the evil of Republicans with the spinelessness of Democrats combined and multiplied by a factor of the mutated love children of Sean Hannity and Nancy Pelosi vomiting all over your living room. Wide open third receivers, huge Nixonian gaps, Mr. Jessica Simpson having enough time to pen the sequel to War and Peace, scrub the toilet and take out the garbage while scanning downfield. Fuck, man, they averaged nearly 8 yards/play. That's a Tecmo Super Bowl number. Good thing I didn't do a shot after every bad play. You can't buy livers at the 7-11.

Up next: home against our Soviet Union, our Iran, our Democrat Party, those guys. You know who I'm talking about.


okjimm said...

Gees, it's a little early to hold a wake for the Browns. But then again!

Packers tonight 6 central.... god I hate monday night games.....8 was too late to start a game and 6 is too goddam early.

When is the NFL gonna learn that they should schedule games for MY convenience, not theirs!!!

6:45 would be pleasant, thank you!

La Belette Rouge said...

You are sneaky, you made my mind concoct an image of Sean Hannity and Nancy Pelosi creating a lovechild.You did a really good job of evoking the feeling of putrescent and vile agony. Please refrain from such imagery without a warning label at the top of the post.;-)

Anonymous said...

Don't stick a fork in them just yet Randal. The Giants started off miserably last year and look what they did. Have hope. Buck up. It's a long season.

susan said...

Did you enjoy the game?
You'll have to be more specific.

Übermilf said...

The Bears won.

Chicago teams only play well when no one expects them to.

Also, Manning's infected, pus-filled sac.

Dean Wormer said...

Did something happen to Tom Brady?

Because I think he's the bee's knees.

Border Explorer said...

Imagining Republican evil combined with Democratic spinelessness at exponential levels made my brain seize up.
Can you buy brains at the 7-11?

Mary Ellen said...

Geez, the season is just beginning, give them time to totally collapse with no chance of revival...then you can drink yourself into oblivion.

Bears won...heh heh heh. Never saw that one coming! I thought I was on drugs or something...nothing seemed real in that game.

Packers tonight! I'm hoping that I can talk my husband into staying home tonight to watch the Packers instead of dragging me off to the White Sox game that I suspect will be rained out (and you know that won't call the game until after we've fought the heavy traffic to get there).

Christopher said...

I saw a few minutes of Kurt Warner last night talking to a reporter.

Dayum, he is hot. I could become a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals if I get to see him play every Sunday.

'Specially, since my beloved Yankees are shriveling up before my very eyes and getting their asses kicked by the........., better sit down, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays!

What a weird season it's been!

Sal Kilmister said...

Umm, I'm a Dolphins fan. You and your Browns have it good.

Angie said...

The Browns will have their day. How could they not, with so many Buckeyes (the best fans in the land) rooting for them? It'll come around.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, this is Cleveland, it's never too early! Hell, I'm already getting prepared for 2010 when LeBron leaves.

I can't quibble on the scheduling. Nine is a pain in the ass, let alone ten. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a get-up-before-the-rooster person.

LBR, then I'm warning you in advance that you'll also love the imagery conjured up by today's post. ;-)

spartacus, okay, Barack. ;-) I know it's early, but it's Cleveland nature to assume the worst. I just wish we would've had a couple of cupcakes first to break the new D in, instead of Dallas and Pittsburgh. Oh, well.

susan, overall, no, it was not all that enjoyable. I know I wasn't very clear.

übermilf, they say he was wearing a giant brace, I just think the sac was infected with more pus than they're letting on. I'm not surprised people dismissed the Bears, but I think they can challenge for a wild card spot.

dean, who the hell is Tom Brady?

BE, I never even thought of that organ meeting its untimely end.

ME, hey, I'll drink myself into oblivion whenever I damn well please. I'm telling ya, Orton just has to be vanilla and they can win 8, 9, 10 games. Good call on the rainout. I've got Dye on my fantasy team, so I'm glad they're doing a day-night today!

christopher, Arizona Cardinals. ;-) Be forewarned, Kurt's a big time Jesushead, I think of the sort of fundie variety.

I think most people figured the Rays would be improved, but a 90+ win pace? Well, happened with Atlanta in 1991, all good teams have to have that first year of success.

sal, good point. So, which week do they throw Henne in there to get some experience?

angie, spoken like a true non-Clevelander. ;-) And I can't help but feel that the Buckeyes will get shellacked by USC, then roll the rest of the way and finished third in the BCS standings.

Dusty said...

Yes we play in fantasy-land this weekend.

Try not to beat me to a bloody pulp ok? ;p