Monday, September 15, 2008

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly II

"At least we haven't ripped your heart out like the Chargers."

The Good: the defense was far superior than against The Fucking Cowboys. Okay, 5.3 yards/play doesn't rekindle memories of the Purple People Eaters, but Pittsburgh had less than 300 total yards and only 10 points. En plus, putting aside any statistical sabermetricism, they hit a hell of a lot harder and thankfully blitzed now and then which, yes, led to actual sacks of an actual NFL quarterback! More than once!

The Bad: watching the offense, I kept on showing my O-face. You know, "O, I think I'm going to throw up." What the hell happened to the line this year? I understand that Braylon Edwards has forgotten how to play receiver and that Derek Anderson was about as sharp as knife found on an archaeological dig, but weren't you guys Manly Men of Manliness last season?

The Ugly: where to start? Braylon's continuing case of the whoopsie-doodles, DA tossing a duck into the evening air flush with 40-50 mph gusts -- shockingly, it was intercepted! -- the horrid red zone offense (2 field goals and a pick near the goal line), and a golden opportunity fumbled away on special teams. Look, when the opposition flubs a kickoff, don't be a McPOW. Forsake the Sportscenter highlight and fall on the fucking ball.

Why couldn't we have opened up against two cupcakes? Thanks, Mr. NFL Schedule Bastard. At least we should be 2-2 going into the bye. Should be, but this is Cleveland.

Up next: at the team that stole our Super Bowl thanks to Art the Traitor -- hell yeah, I'm still bitter. Fuck you and your 'time heals all wounds' shit.


Anonymous said...

Randal... don't feel so bad. I gave up an afternoon of watching the Giants stomp the Rams to see the Mets cough up a two-run lead in the ninth to the lowly Braves. The September choking fit has once again begun.

pissed off patricia said...

I'm in disguise. Nope it's not me, the Cowboys fan, I'm some other person who just happened to drop in. I know, you were looking forward to throwing water balloons at me, but it's not me. Think I'll leave now.

La Belette Rouge said...

Last night when HE-weasel was watching the Brown's lose he said in exasperated tones, "Poor, Randal." I swear to you. He also said something about your quarterback and how he was no good when the Beaver's had him. But as I realized he was thinking that I was actually interested in what he was saying I amped up my look of total indifference.

DivaJood said...

Randal, Carlos Zambrano no-hit the Astros last night. Oh, wait. That's baseball. Sorry.

Unconventional Conventionist said...

What is this futbal of which you speak?

Christopher said...

You should post a picture of Kurt Warner.

Beach Bum said...

At least you got to watch football. The upstairs TV at my house was taken over my a bunch of preteen boys playing Guitar Hero which was actually worse than the collection of little girls who were watching a Barbi movie on the big screen downstairs while having a tea party. At least I could go into the bed room downstairs and read.
Yeah, I did brief drop in at the tea party requiring a feather boa.

American Hill BIlly said...

Go Stealer's!!!

Oh well, I do like them better. I hope you weren't effected by the power outages today, or aren't still effected.

United In Peace And Freedom

Randal Graves said...

spartacus, but at least the Mets seem - as of now - to be a bit healthier in the starting pitching department. They can't collapse a second year in a row, can they?

POP, between the Browns game and last night's giveaway, it was a baaaad sporting weekend.

LBR, ha! And yes, be careful, otherwise you'll be expected to discuss football constantly. Believe me, I've tried it with my wife.

diva, and Lilly only gave up one hit yesterday. Too bad you guys are going to turn a 99-win campaign into another crushing October. ;-)

UC, a bunch of large, sweaty men in armor plating pummel each other as they try to keep possession of a ellipsoid. It's a silly game.

christopher, the Cards are 2-0. If I did that, I'd ruin the stomped-heart vibe of my 0-2 Browns.

BB, worse than a Barbie tea party? That's frightening. Donning a feather boa, the price of parenting. ;-)

AHB, Steelers? BOO! HISS! HISS!
We were lucky and didn't have any outages, and just a few scattered tree branches were lying about, but one poor dude had a huge branch crash into his garage.

Dusty said...

Ya beat the bejesus out of me dude..I am crushed. ;p

Randal Graves said...

It's only been two weeks. I haven't had my annual QB/star RB injury combination where I lose the last five games after an 8-1 start. ;-)

Dusty said...

lol...hope I play you then pal. ;>p

dguzman said...

Oh, funny how you didn't cover the Monday Night game. You know the one. The one with the guys in blue and silver, beating the unholy birdshit out of those lame-ass green and silver guys.

Do you know which one I mean?

Randal Graves said...

Oh, the one that the Philadelphia Eagles completely gave away?

Don't worry, we both know that Mr. Jessica Simpson will find a way to choke in the playoffs for a third straight season.