Friday, September 19, 2008

Hey, where are the bloody pictures?

Since those of us of a vaguely anarcho-lefty-slacker persuasion are always touting the virtues of stealing from those more fortunate economically, I decided to steal this meme from Anthony Cartouche, a man so rich he drives a 24k gold-plated gas guzzler on his way to and from the regional GOP offices while running over little old ladies crossing the street to Mass. Seriously.

Would I lie to you?

The deal is that you are to list five books you're theoretically supposed to be embarrassed for not having read yet. C'mon. There are so many fucking books sitting in the shelfosphere that getting to all the good stuff is nigh impossible unless you're going to live forever like the biomechanical Cheney Bot, but that psychopathic killing machine hasn't been programmed to have time for reading, not with all those third world refugees to eat. Oh well, here's five.

Books, not refugees.

Jane Austen, Emma.
William Godwin, Caleb Williams.
George Eliot, Middlemarch.
Thomas Hardy, Jude the Obscure.
Emile Zola, Thérèse Raquin.

I'm going to tag everyone. I know some of you are fellow book geeks -- not that I'd do anything so cheap and tawdry as to name names -- so I expect this to be done at some point. Don't make me scowl at you from across the tubes.


Mary Ellen said...

I'm still working my way through the Bible. I keep getting hung up on all the sex stuff in the Old Testament.

I did take out the time to read, Jane Austen's,Emma, though. The rest of the books you listed, I've never even thought to pick them up which shows ya what kind a shlub I am.

Hey, don't you know what day it is today? Go check my blog!

Übermilf said...

Just when the state of our nation has left me feeling so despondent that I fear my sense of humor has left me forever, I come here and think "Cartouche rhymes with douche" and I feel much better.

Anonymous said...

Do you think that Barak Obama is Patriotic enough to refund the Millions of Dollars of campaign contributions he received from Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae so that those two financial institutions can recover, thus ending this recession?

Dean Wormer said...

Did Hardy co-author Jude the Obscure with his partner Stan Laurel? Was it written before or after they starred in Way Out West?

Great meme and a tough one btw.

Randal Graves said...

ME, well of course, that's the best part! Not that I'm averse to a little smiting now and then.

übermilf, I'm glad I could bring a bit of joy to our dreary lives. But don't worry, it's fleeting.

Wow! My first ever anon Murkan troll! I'd suggest checking the rickety "facts" keeping your strawman upright, but, well, you know. Thanks for stopping by!

dean, this is another fine mess you've gotten us in, Jude.

It is tough. I just grabbed the first ones I could think of, but there's plenty more.

Anonymous said...

How about if we start with kiddy books. I never actually read the Lorax. I only saw the movie.

La Belette Rouge said...

Oh, another opportunity to feel inadequate.;-) Hooray! Well, as you only want five I can hide some of my literary shame and pretend these are the only five I have not read:
1.Slaughterhouse 5
2.War and Peace( I am more of a Doestoevsky kind of gal)
3. Any book of Hemingway's past page 50
4. Anything by Sinclair Lewis
5. Books on creating a budget, finance, and/or investing. Nope, I have never read Suze Orman. Hmm, I don't feel at all ashamed about that.

MRMacrum said...

Because I was not picked specifically but rather called to arms in a general sort of way, I figured my answers could take up space here instead of my oh so more important blog. Why embarrass myself in front of a few there when I can do it here in front of more than a few.

I'm not sure if magazines count, but I have never read a Playboy. Seems I was always distracted by the uh..... ads. Yeah that's it the ads.

I never finished "Moby Dick". Even after countless attempts to get past, "Call me Ishmael."

I never even started "War & Peace". But it was a good book to use in lieu of an iron back in my impoverished college student days.

I have never been able to get past the first chapter in any Harry Potter book. Not sure why. Must be my contrarian ways kicking in.

The 34th edtion of the PDR (Physicians Desk Reference)has always proved more than I can handle. At some point all those pills look alike, and the plot seems somewhat redundant.

DivaJood said...

Um, um, embarrassed NOT to have read? What about the ones we're sorry ever hit print?

Okay, I'll play. :P

Randal Graves said...

dcup, oh, the movie completely screwed up the plot. Added this whole South American cartel/romance/turncoat angle.

Read the book, trust me.

LBR, hey, the meme only asked for five. Otherwise I'd have a list that would scroll all the way to Omaha.

You should only be ashamed about number 5 if you actually were ashamed. Finance? Snooze.

mrmacrum, wow, I feel like William Jennings Bryan! I used to like Playboy, but then they kept on adding more and more pictures of scantily-clad young women. Just ain't my gig.

I'll assume you meant an iron for clothing and not an iron for inflicting injury upon unfair professors. But Anna Karenina is a top-notch blunt instrument, too.

A suggestion, sir. Go back to the PDR. Substance over style. Sure, those pills have that utilitarian look, but when you pop a few, let the good times roll!

diva, oh man, that would be an even longer list! I think John Grisham and Stephen King both just released another book in the time it took me to compose this reply.

spyderkl said...

Embarrassed not to have read? Hmmm...I can think of a few that I was embarrassed to have read, thus wasting many precious hours I'll never have back, but let me think for a minute and I'll play.

DivaJood said...

Oh, and Randal? Masterpiece Theatre did a version of Thérèse Raquin. It was bloody awful.

Randal Graves said...

spyderkl, well that's why you knit a time machine!

diva, bloody awful in that "there's no way in hell I'll ever willingly watch that again" or "this is so comically putrid let's watch it again"?

Unconventional Conventionist said...

Hmmmm, this is going to be a tough one.

okjimm said...

Shit... books I haven't read... lemmee check BIP....I am sure there are a few hundred dozen or so.....

but first I gotta read 'Catcher in the Rye' again...

La Belette Rouge said...

okjimm: Catcher in the Rye is the book that made me want to write. You have inspired me to read it again for the 400th time. Love me some Salinger. Thank you!

Anajo/Anijo/JoAnn said...

Something about old moldy books on a bookshelf which is so comforting.. They smell good.. they feel good as our fingers turn the pages ... Wait, am I discussing sex or old books?

Tom Harper said...

I'm most embarrassed by books that I've started and liked but never finished:

Brothers Karamazov, Dostoyevsky;
Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut;
Hunters Horn (can't remember author's name);
The Magus; (forget author's name)

And I haven't read The Glass Bead Game by Hermann Hesse. I've read and liked most of his other books.

susan said...

Hmmph.. I never read 'My Pet Goat' but I heard Dubya gave it a fine review.

I'm almost finished with the NY phone directory though and when I'm done I'll consider what's left.

Utah Savage said...

Like UC said, Hummm, thats going to be a hard one. I am frightfully well read. How many of you slackers have read Peyps Diaries? Hummm? I thought not.

Anonymous said...

OK, Randal, I'm going with your 5.


Drugs, baby. I'm still on 'em and they make things hazy & lazy.

So your 5 it is.

BTW, good to be back. I missed you.


Dr. Zaius said...

What about comic books? Do they count?

Randal Graves said...

UC, I'm just glad it was five and not more, 'cause then I'd feel extra stupid.

okjimm, now that's a fine book.

anajo, same dynamic, no? One gets you off intellectually or emotionally, the other gets you off.

tom, oh man, that's a whole other list. Even if a book is extra groovy, there's so many that you found you've started another without wrapping up the first.

susan, please please please don't tell us what happens at the end.

utah, hey, it's on my list. (No, really, it is, along about 14 billion other books)

hill, hey, steal 'em, I hear they're good books. Glad that you're back, but make sure you take all the drugs prescribed. Wouldn't want them going to waste. :)

dr. zaius, hell yeah they do. Ah, Sandman and Hellblazer, now that was some good stuff.

Tengrain said...

I was forced at gunpoint, when I was a kid, to read Dickens, and so I developed a life-long ability to look like I am reading about anything and retain nothing.

Here are some books I know I never actually read though it may have looked like I was reading:

Anything by Dickens
Anything by Joyce
Anything by Melville

On a related note, one of my lit professors in college explained the lack of Hemingway on the class syllubus thusly: "Hemingway? Oh, yes, that's right. Bells, bulls, and balls. That's all you need to know about Hemingway."



Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

oh crap, I had a really good retort and then I remembered I have that whole award thing to deal with ... grrr (dashes off)

Liberality said...

Where in fuck have I been? Yeah, fucking working. Really working that is. I will respond to this later at my place. :)

Randal Graves said...

JNRR, muahahahahaha! (sorry, I can't do an evil laugh en français)

liberality, actual work? On a Saturday? Blasphemy!

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Non, Je ne regrette rien said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
American Hill BIlly said...

Uh, I suck on this one; my cultural view is definitely lacking. The only crap I end up reading is technical stuff.... The only novel I've read is probably shane. Hmmmm...Does Huster count???

Liberality said...

there are a lot of dead white dudes who are supposed to be literary geniuses that I have yet to read. I like reading stuff that I can relate to, what can I say?

Liberality said...

O.k., I know I can't leave well enough alone here and I am likely just talking to myself but hey, I gotta tell you Randall that now I am going start reading these babies. Thanks a lot dude (snark)!
Here's a list of what I am going to be reading in the next month or two:
1. Dante's The Divine Comedy
2. Machiavelli's The Prince
3. Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil
4. Ibsen's A Doll's House
5. James Joyce's A Portrait of the
Artist as a Young Man.


Randal Graves said...

AHB, of course it counts! There are words in there, no?

liberality, that's the thing about canon, it fluctuates. Hell, Dickens was a populist hack at one point, right? Now he's a foundation stone of English lit.

People should always read what they dig, whether it's by white corpse playwrights or 20-year old African novelists. I just tend to like the old crackers for some reason.

Dante is good stuff. ;-)