Thursday, September 11, 2008

Yet another chance to make shit up

"My friends, of course just one more war."

You've all seen it floating in front of your eyeballs, tubular electroparticles transformed into the Latin alphabet in the ancient form of a meme. I've been tagged by this treasure, this welcome break from politicaliscious blogification not once, but twice.

Praise be unto thee, lovely ladies of the internets.

But also a curse upon thy souls! for verily have I submitted such chicanery, with slightly different verses, long, long ago, and now I must concoct yet one more delectable cauldron of lies.

Trust me, if I didn't make shit up, you'd all be snoozing by now.

Yeah, that's real funny, man. Um, hey.

1. Where was I ten years ago?

Same job (sort of), same wife, same kids (though we had just bought one from the store, an impulse buy, like our first), same tunes. Well okay, we lived at a different address.

Same town.

Yeah, same town.

And you were less of a curmudgeonly ass.

Go fuck yourself.

2. What was on my ToDo list today?

This post. Signs point to yes.
Pretending to earn my paycheck. Most likely.
Writing more of my stupid book. Ask again later.
Trading scowls with the wife. Without a doubt.

Wow, this Magic Eight Ball is like Nostradamus in a, well, ball!

I wonder if it comes in an aerosol.

Anytime you want to start making shit up is fine by me.

3. What would I do if I were a billionaire?

I already used my 'billion items at the dollar store' line, so I'd probably give a nice hunk to organizations like the ASPCA because I'm a big fucking sap. I'm sure I'd do some investing -- in Euros -- so I can have even more to give away, but man, I want to travel, then when I'm exhausted from seeing the world, crash at my swanky Parisian pad. Plus I'd be able to pay for college for my wallet-sucking offspring. Stop growing! Stop eating!

4. Five places I've lived:

Five more places than John McCain did for five years, I can tell you that.

Bloody hell

In the poll, 52 percent said they thought the U.S. was adequately prepared, compared to 39 percent who said the U.S. was not prepared. This is the first time since March 2003 - right after the U.S. invasion of Iraq - that a majority held that opinion. As recently as last September, after the revelations of a failed terrorist plot in London that summer, 56 percent said the U.S. was not adequately prepared.
Still trust the American voter?

Doubt that Chimpy and Unka Dick are celebrating today?

Fucking politics. And I didn't even watch the teevee last night.

5. Bad habits:

Just think of all the annoying shit I post, say, do online and imagine that in the flesh with even more vulgarities sandwiched by vast swathes of time filled with an obscene and unhealthy amount of brooding.

Hey, I'm surprised my marriage has lasted this long, too.

The following suckers are tagged, standard disclaimers apply:

Freida Bee
The Flying Nunly


MRMacrum said...

Damn you man. Damn you all to Hell. Oh, sorry. I see you are already there. Well, Damn you anyway.

And it is MRMacrum, not Mr.Macrum. I have an elitist image to keep up. Just look at my picture. I would curse my parents for saddling me with initials that sound like an engine and a last name that illicited much hilarity from friend and foe when still a young lad. But I won't. They could not help themselves. They were Republicans.

You really make me chuckle. And that is a good thing. Unless I have gas of course.

Mary Ellen said...

Thanks, kiddo. I'll get to this asap or as soon as I get in a better mood. Damn, I'm feeling crabby today, what the hell's with that? Sheesh.

La Belette Rouge said...

Nobody can make a meme their own like you can. Really well done! Someday you will understand your greatness and by that time you will have abandoned your blog and live in a different house each week.

I hear Palin is looking for a speech writer. It's a thought. I mean, you are so good at makin' up the not-all toghether factually accurate stuff that sounds really good. I think that is what her ad on Craigslist said she is looking for.

Randal Graves said...

MRMacrum, duly corrected. As for the spreading of hellish things, hahahaHAha!

Normally, being the cruel bastard that I am, I would laugh at you having been saddled with Republican parents, but alas, so was I.

If you have gas, make sure it is thrown in the general direction of a wingnut.

ME, it's called being human. We all have crabby days, some of us more than others. I enjoy being crabby; people tend to leave you alone. No rush on the meme.

LBR, alright, that's a lot of buttering up. You're really pushing for that shoe post, ain't ya. ;-)

Did the ad say I'd be required to shoot anything? I'm really not the hunting type.

DivaJood said...

Ah, Randal, to evolve to the swave, brilyant debonayer fellow you is from having grown up with Republican parents, I am impressed. No wonder you are the best Campaign Manager.

Freida Bee said...

Uh oh, I'd better perk up and pretend like I've been paying attention.

Anything for you, my dear vulgar, gilded-tongued, poetic profiteer.

Tom Harper said...

I can't think of anything except a caption for that picture at the top.

McCain: "Ugh!! My chest! I, I can't, ugghh!!! Oh God please no NOOO!!!! AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!"

Palin: "Yesss! It's working! Thank you Zorotralfamador for your evil magic. Just one small detail, however -- you were supposed to do this next January, not now."

Yes, I'm going straight to Hell. It's cool; I've come to terms with it.

Sal Kilmister said...

Randal, are your folks still Republicans?

Randal Graves said...

diva, and my sister, who went to a liberal arts college, whereas I originally went to a school noted for its engineering program, has also become a wingnut.

Do I get a raise?

FB, paying attention costs. It's free to do nothing. Just saying. Though if you do this, perhaps there will be more poesy.

There once was a meme from Nantucket...

tom, that would explain a lot. Don't worry about the hell thing, that's where all the sex, drugs and rock and roll is.

sal, my mom's one of those wishy-washy ones - wouldn't surprise me if she's caught Palinitis. Pop is fucking hardcore. Yet he's not evil in his daily life and is edumacated. All of us know people like that. Which is why I laugh when I read stories like "my Republican uncle has seen the light and will vote for Obama!"

I've tried piles upon piles of facts and information and video and you name it. Now I just realize I'm canceling out his vote and will until one of us croaks.

Unconventional Conventionist said...

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around "Aerosol Magic 8 Ball."

Angie said...

I agree no one can dress up a meme like you Randal.

Border Explorer said...

Yeah, Angie, Randal makes up the best shit. With or without Gillian Anderson.

DivaJood said...

Yes Randal. I quadruple your current salary. Since I already pay you nothing, that's four times nothing.

susan said...

Oh diva, I think you should quintuple it. Getting this close to the true heart of Randal is worth any amount of nothing you could bestow.

Quote - 'I wish she'd waited til later to wiggle that antler she shoved up the old fundament.'

S.W. Anderson said...

52 percent think the U.S. is adequately prepared for another terrorist attack, huh.

I dread to think what their definition of "adequate" is. Maybe having enough advance warning to be able to bend over and kiss one's ass goodbye?

S.W. Anderson said...

Caption for the McCain-Palin photo.

"My friends, please, turn off that Sugarbabes 'Red Dress' noise and show a little respect. The governor of a state at least deserves a little 'Hi-Heel Sneakers.'

"Hit it, guys . . . Put on your red dress, baby, cause we're goin' out tonight . . . And Sarah, shake your booty for the people!"

Randal Graves said...

UC, with the aerosol 8-ball, you can dispense with all the 'mirror mirror on the wall' crap. Any surface will do!

angie, all style, no substance, just trying to be the best American I can be!

BE, that reminds me, I should post another pic of Gillian. Thanks!

diva, wow, that's like $4000! You're the best!

susan, um, "ouch."

swa, hey, I've got my supply of duct tape, don't you?

I wonder if Alaska has a Miss Moose Chip.

Anonymous said...

Sorry...I've been a bad blog reading boy.

ME..break out your thick wooden ruler. I need a whack on the hands.

That said, I'll take your meme challenge, good sir. I'm like Private Dewey Oxburger at a female mud-wrestling match....

"I'LL DO IT!!!!!!"

Randal Graves said...

HA! You're different. You're weird, you're a mutant, you're a killer!

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

put me to shame. grrr.

Dusty said...

I simply adore you Randal..thats all I got. ;)

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