Wednesday, October 14, 2009

This title, too, hath suffered decease

Verily, this sicknesse doth labour long,
preventynge the lovelyest birthday song
for you, Pickles Dillhoefer, borne yon eve;
native son, thy OPS+, I grieve.
Consumption hath wracked my cold, blackened soule
as it hath wracked the Browns' marche towards the goale.
Leeches, phylacteries and charmes help not
this darke procession of putrescent rot,
and, oh, this brain in danke, diseased gaol
dyes in vain waitynge for woulde-be bail.

"Pretty pretentious way of saying 'I've got nothing.'"

Um, didn't you die in the epidemic?


susan said...

Glad to know you're feeling perky again :-)

Übermilf said...

I think I smell Nyquil in this post.

sunshine said...

Pretty clever for someone on "Deaths Door". ;P
I listened to the whole Slayer song.
U.S.A. 1
Canada 1

I'll have to find some Canadian crap you won't be able to stomach then I'll WIN!!! MUwhahahahahahaha!!

Randal Graves said...

susan, just perky? I was aiming for sexy.

übermilf, sorry. I ran out of Wild Turkey.

sunshine, the whole song? And c'mon, do you really think Canada has the requisite vileness to compete with the reservoir of evil metal I have at my disposal? Muahahahahahaha, etc.

Holte Ender said...

I was wearing a surgical mask as I read your post. Wild Turkey, has got me, on the run.

Christopher said...

Well, on a positive note, the H1N1 swine flu vaccine will be available this week or next week.

So, not all hope is lost.

Now, if we can avoid the Plague until then, life is good.

S.W. Anderson said...

OK Randal, you're safe. No one's going to come at you with pollyanna laurels. But Browns' performance aside, buck up. Look how much better off you are than poor Dillhoefer, who croaked at the tender age of 29.

Mary Ellen said... can't be that sick if you're putting up a post with rhymes and everything...and here I was, all ready to come over and nurse you to health. No chicken soup for you. ;-)

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine (flu)!

When you are deranged, you write better than when you are ranged.



Tom Harper said...

The commenter hast doth made the terrible mistake of clicking on that infernal YouTube video, bringing forth the Devil's Music. The blaring Satanic mindrot made the commenter unable to concentrate and he doth become unable to think of a comment.

Demeur said...

Hey Randal if you die can I have your music collection?

MRMacrum said...

Jeez, I did not know you had tied your fortune/health to the Browns' efforts to actually win some games. I better start rooting for them so you will feel better. And what the Hell does "Verily" mean anyway? It has never been explained. Does it need to be? Another one of those words/phrases like "post haste" that just seem like jibberish as solo act stand up comics,but when accompanied or would it be included as a member of an ensemble sentence, we somehow through intuition or osmosis know what they mean. Know what I mean?

S.W. Anderson said...

MrMacrum, "verily" was the "right on" of its day.

Beach Bum said...

Get well quick, I hear the insurance companies are wanting to declare the swine flu a preexisting condition so they can raise your rates.

Mauigirl said...

Brilliant as always - rhyming and in Olde English at that. Feel better soon!

okjimm said...

Ya know... I never knew why it was called "Healthcare" I don't need care when I am healthy I need "Sickcare". I'm gonna write that DC and see if we cannot get some Goforment Sickcare. I mean, we are a Sick Nation, right!

Randal Graves said...

christopher, first it was the black death, then crap lined with lead. Damn you, Asia!

SWA, true, but he's since been immortalized with other luminaries like Oil Can Boyd and Urban Shocker.

nunly, cough, cough, wheeze, sneeze, chortle! Quick with the soup, scantily-clad nurse!

tengrain, is this some free-range cannibal thing? How to cook humans, indeed.

tom, prayeth thee to thy Lord, servant of God, for forgivenesse for such blasphemie.

demeur, you might have to fight my sometimes-better-half over a few of the albums. Steel cage match!

mrmacrum, verily, I shant say I do not know, but, forsooth, you know this already. Holy hell, do the Browns suck vast amounts of ass.

SWA, I wonder what was the 'keep on truckin'.'

BB, I hope they don't find out that my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandpa died of the plague.

mauigirl, one can't beat that olde tyme spelling. Verily!

okjimm, can't wait to read the insurance companies' next memo: in modern parlance, sick means good therefore you are well and don't need that life-saving surgery.

Dr. Zaius said...

The super model with the spear looks like she could use some nourishment... ;o)