Monday, December 24, 2007

If you've been naughty...

...the Robot Santa will fucking kill you!

Before I head off to wingnut hell, I wanted to express my holiday joy that someone has taken this threat assessment seriously and is prepared for whatever state-of-the-art anti-naughtiness weaponry he'll be dishing out (I wonder if her Magical Go-Go Boots will prove to be better protection than my Sneakers Various and Sundry). So, mes amis, take heed of this timely leadership and be sure to lock your chimneys and have your nuclear-tipped, shoulder-launched rockets at the ready!

On an even darker note, since I won't be getting what I want for Xmas -

we never do, do we? - here's sincerely hoping your suffering is at least the equal of mine. And leaving out martinis and cookies doesn't work you fools, so, bottoms up!

Lastly, sleep tight, but don't have visions of sugar plums dancing in your head.

Those are grenades.


FranIAm said...


Hope it was ok!

Anonymous said...

Joyeux Noël dude. Always a pleasure to read your blog!

Mauigirl said...

Happy Christmas Randal!

TomCat said...

Ho! Ho!! Ho!!! SantaCat wishes you all a purrrfect Christmas.

Next year, please leave catnip with the milk and cookies. :-)

Randal Graves said...

Fran, the liquor helps with the zoning out process. Hope you had/are having/will have a groovy holiday. :)

Colleen, back to you (minus the dude part) and thanks, especially for keeping the pressure on. I'm down to my Z-material!

mauigirl, merci, and to you as well!

tomcat, not a problem! Have a great holiday!

Karen said...

You may be jackass but you still deserve to get what you want for Christmas. Drink more and I'm sure you'll eventually see her around somewhere ... just make sure you're safe at home before those martinis wear off or you might be sorry!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Robot Santa is my bitch.

Mary Ellen said...

Santa will never give you a toy that may harm you and I'm sure that you will never be able to withstand the energy of the gift you want. It's for your own good, Randal. ;-)

b said...

Family and Christmas do go together like martinis and cookies, don't they?! Hope yours wasn't too painful!! :)

Randal Graves said...

Karen, I tried, and I all I saw were pink elephants and scary clowns, no scantily-clad Brazilian supermodels. Guess I didn't drink enough!

Dr. Monkey, we were well prepared for your diabolical blogospherian assault!

ME, bah. She'd be lucky if she could withstand my energy. ;-)

b, you know, you're right! Although nearly any strong alcoholic drink will work. :)

fairlane said...

Happy Happiness, and such!

Becca said...

Sigh...we never get what we want for Christmas... but she would make quite a lovely present.

Hope you had a great Christmas!!!