Friday, December 21, 2007

This is what happens when you drink.

Being the bah humbug kind of guy that I am, I shocked even myself - which I wouldn't have if the Naughty Nun had only shared some of her meds - by signing up for the joint holiday internets endeavor of Dr. Monkey and Dr. Zaius, a medically frightening excursion of evolutionary proportion designed to bring peace on earth and goodwill to primates of all stripes. Yeah, good luck with that, suckers.

Anyway, my randomly computerized selection of future giftery was a fellow virtual denizen of the electrons named Karen. Now, I don't know thing one about this self-aware entity hailing from the Great White North, but using my superior sleuthing skills, I learned that she probably likes hockey, enjoys a good read and if hiding in a gingerbread house, would wear smartie pasties and an icing sugar g-string.

Suddenly saddled with an overwhelming lusty feeling, I wrestled with my gooey moral center and deduced that, not being on intimate terms with this Canucklehead - I kid, I kid - I figured something naughty was entirely out of the question. Adding in the fact that I'm a cheap bastard, and not very thoughtful when it comes to these things, I ended up with this purchase:














Karen, just for you, your very own Mike Modano, complete with the Well-Coiffed® skullcap accessory! And if Mike turns out to not be your type - he is getting up there in years and he's certainly no Jere Lehtinen with the D - feel free to exchange him for the pivotman of your choice! Oh, be sure to bring a copy of the receipt, which I'll be faxing over shortly. Enjoy!

10 comments:

Dr. Zaius said...

Hmm... Gooey morals are the best kind!

Randal Graves said...

And they taste like caramel!

Karen said...

Mmmm, caramel. Thanks so much Randal, that's a great present! I hope you don't mind that I snuck a peek a few days before Christmas. My only problem? Modano, while relatively yummy, plays for one of our most hated foes, the Dallas Stars. I'll let it go as you might not have been aware that I'm an Oilers fan. However, if you had chosen to give me Jerome Iginla...I may have had to come over there and kick your ass :) Thanks again! Awesome possum.

Randal Graves said...

Oh hell, I feel terrible not having done more research! I could've dug up a shot of Jari Kurri or Paul Coffey, but I'm glad you enjoyed it nonetheless. I'll save the Iginla for a later date. ;-)

Colleen said...

It would have been funny to photoshop your face in the santa!

Randal Graves said...

If by funny you mean scaring the hell out of everyone, then yes, very humorous. Good thing I don't have photoshop!

Colleen said...

But I do!

Scarlet W. Blue said...

I'm so old. I remember thinking Mark Messier was so hot.

Randal Graves said...

Colleen, feel free to photoshop ole Randal on that Santa. I'm all about scaring the hell out of passers-by!

SWB, to make it rain further on your lusty memory parade, he was drafted nearly 30 years ago.

dguzman said...

Mikey Mo, my hero! Dallas Stars - Stanley Cup Champs 1999!