This is what happens when you drink.

Being the bah humbug kind of guy that I am, I shocked even myself - which I wouldn't have if the Naughty Nun had only shared some of her meds - by signing up for the joint holiday internets endeavor of Dr. Monkey and Dr. Zaius, a medically frightening excursion of evolutionary proportion designed to bring peace on earth and goodwill to primates of all stripes. Yeah, good luck with that, suckers.

Anyway, my randomly computerized selection of future giftery was a fellow virtual denizen of the electrons named Karen. Now, I don't know thing one about this self-aware entity hailing from the Great White North, but using my superior sleuthing skills, I learned that she probably likes hockey, enjoys a good read and if hiding in a gingerbread house, would wear smartie pasties and an icing sugar g-string.

Suddenly saddled with an overwhelming lusty feeling, I wrestled with my gooey moral center and deduced that, not being on intimate terms with this Canucklehead - I kid, I kid - I figured something naughty was entirely out of the question. Adding in the fact that I'm a cheap bastard, and not very thoughtful when it comes to these things, I ended up with this purchase:














Karen, just for you, your very own Mike Modano, complete with the Well-Coiffed® skullcap accessory! And if Mike turns out to not be your type - he is getting up there in years and he's certainly no Jere Lehtinen with the D - feel free to exchange him for the pivotman of your choice! Oh, be sure to bring a copy of the receipt, which I'll be faxing over shortly. Enjoy!