Wednesday, December 5, 2007

More Tales From Bizarro World!

When we last left our intrepid traveler, Ms. Rice had been thrown into the Black Pit of Desolation by the maniacal thugs of the Stars and Stripes, bravely subsisting on moldy bread and polluted water. When that proved to be not enough, her strength all but sapped, her dapper and stately Interplanetary Secretary uniform soiled and torn, she had to resort to other means of sustenance far too horrible to mention here in this Christian internets nation. But through her vast reservoir of feminine wiles, she managed to escape that awfulest of awful prisons and find her way to nearest photo-less photogenic scribe and dictate the sheer devilry of the nefarious plan she so sneakily uncovered!

"I am not going to comment on that comment except to say that what the National Intelligence Estimate shows, and the transparency with which the administration released it, is what it means to live in a democracy and I hope one day that the people of the United States will live in a democracy too," she said.
What a command of both reality and the English language! By declaring with all brazenness and hubrisness that she was going to avoid commenting on the comment, like a sucker punch to the groin, she commented! Well played, Ms. Rice! Take that, Damn Opaque Yankees!

But what of this Ultimate Plan of Satanic, Mephistophelian Belialism and an affront to mom, apple pie, fuzzy little bunnies, the Super Magical Jesus Baby and lovers of freedom throughout Iowa and the galaxy?
"It is the very strong view of the administration that the American regime remains a problematic and dangerous regime and that the international community must continue to unite around the Intergalactic Security Council resolutions that have passed," she said.

"America needs to stop enrichment and reprocessing activities because those enriching and reprocessing activities permit, if they are perfected, a state to acquire fissile material for a Cosmic Death Ray," Rice said.
Are we doomed to our doom? Can Ms. Rice and the well-trained but inexperienced cohorts under her sublime command defeat such a terroristic nation flush with terror and other frightening things?

Tune in next week, True Believers, to find out!

To find out what Ms. Rice actually said, click here.

10 comments:

Mary Ellen said...

I hope one day that the people of the United States will live in a democracy too," she said.

Yeah...I hope that some day we'll be able to see what it's like to live in a democracy. In the last seven or eight years...it's feeling a lot more like fascism.

What a bunch of morons....or as the Republicans call it, "morans".

dguzman said...

Now, now--let's get one thing straight. It's only breaking the law when the law applies to you! BushCo has proven for the last 7 years that they and their cronies are above the law! So just remember--possession is 9/10s of the law, and there's a statute of limitations, and prima facie case, and all that jazz! 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, and thanks for misunderestimating me!

PoliShifter said...

Seems to me that Bush has kicked Condi to the curb. What ever special think or move she had Bush seems to have tired of.

Candace said...

How funny! Except ... we may BE doomed to our doom. :(

Randal Graves said...

ME, that will certainly be one the iconic images of this era that will last far into the future. Assuming we're not all buried under a pile of radioactive rubble.

dguzman, 9/11! you 9/11! are 9/11! correct 9/11! oh, and 9/11!

Poli, sometimes you have to try out some new kung fu. I'm sure Cheney had nothing to do with it, given his aversion to ever warring with Iran, lovable scamp that he is.

Candace, I'm trying to get all my humor out now before August and September and October roll around and I expect with each passing day that the fuckers will manufacture something to "postpone" the election.

Scarlet W. Blue said...

Stop, you're killing me.

Randal Graves said...

We aim to please!

Tom Harper said...

Boy, that's a scary country Rice is talking about. America needs a regime change.

Who Hijacked Our Country

Snave said...

"Interplanetary". You nailed it! LOL! She certainly is out there in space somewhere. I also hope the people of the U.S. can live in a democracy someday!

"Can Ms. Rice and the well-trained but inexperienced cohorts under her sublime command defeat such a terroristic nation flush with terror and other frightening things?"

Cheney the Lovable Scamp! To parrot Scarlet, "stop, you're killing me!" Great post!!

And other frightening things... like TERROR! Bwahahahahahaha

Randal Graves said...

Tom, you took the words right out of my mouth.

Snave, it's funny, I was just - weakly - imitating the old Flash Gordon-style serials of the 30s, but now that you mention it, it all makes logical sense. These guys HAVE to be from outer space. Because no person with all the knowledge of the world, of human behavior, would consciously act like this much of an asshole, would they.