Full Disclosure®

"Yasser, my main man! How've you been?"
"Oh, being dead takes all of my time. It's a bitch."
"Laugh, chuckle, at least you don't have ring around the collar!"
"Chortle, wheeze! Say, where's Randal?"
"Shit! I forgot to send him the invite!"

My fellow Americans, my friends, the Most Important Election In Our Lifetime® is taking place next Tuesday. In case you've forgotten, and I know you haven't, here's our platform, so much better than the stale collections of empty promises of all those other jokers, no?

Because of this Important Moment In History®, I felt it only right to be honest with you, the hard-working men and women of Real America®.

Tonight, I had dinner with a man -- and I use the term loosely, the sick, traitorous bastard -- who dares criticize Things Most Sacred®.

"You're at work. You had dinner with yourself. Ramen noodles."

Technically, I didn't lie.

"Technically, you're an asshole."

True.

"Among other things, Israel was described there as the perpetrator of terrorism rather than the victim," Palin said at a rally in Ohio. "What we don't know is how Randal Graves responded to these slurs on a country that he professes to support."

I've also described another country I profess to support as a perpetrator of terrorism. I'm too embarassed to say which one, but I will give you a hint: it starts with Real and ends with America®.

I'm hanging my head in shame as I type this.

Of course those are Real Tears®.

"If there was a tape of John McCain in a neo-Nazi outfit, I think the treatment of the issue would be slightly different," McCain said in an interview with Hispanic radio stations.

He'd no doubt garner rave reviews.























Hey, I don't have photoshop. Use your imagination.