Why? Whaddya mean why? You want to piss off Chuck Norris?
What's that? You don't understand? And why all these questions when there shouldn't be any questions when it concerns Chuck Norris? Let me assuage your fears of Chuck Norris coming over to your house and beating you to a bloody pulp merely by staring at you because his eyes are two extra fists.
Last night on CNN's Situation Room - 30 seconds I'll never get back, curse the motherfucker who invented TV remotes - hosted by the Walking Stubble, we mere homo sapiens (no, Mr. Norris, that's our genus - no, not our genius, only your fists are genius, oh, nevermind - rest assured we're not all gay, and those very few that are, well, they all live in San Francisco and Taxachusetts, so you can Texas Ranger it up all you want - no, I'm not making fun of you, Mr. Norris - please don't kill me) learned that the esteemed defender of Intelligent Design and personal bodyguard to the Super Magical Jesus Baby is backing Mike Huckabee for President. We also learned that there was a flap about Willard's hair at the Who Hates Brown People More and Torture Makes Me Horny debate.
I know this is merely the 752,334,193rd post on why the media sucks, and I also know that I'm not contributing one damn thing to a higher discourse of why they continue to talk about inane, pointless things while complaining that no one really wants to be talking about inane, pointless things but would rather be talking about, but cannot, because this egregious inanity of pointlessness must be highlighted as an example of the superficiality of the blogosphere, the important issues of the day such as the Mukasey nomination and whether he is a supporter of the President's unconstitutional spying policies and why it doesn't matter because if you've done nothing wrong you have nothing to hide; whether any of the candidates have a plan for withdrawal from our illegal occupation of a sovereign nation which they don't because there's all that rich, creamy oil lustily calling our name from underneath all that sand; whether the Indians' monumental collapse could've been prevented by Chuck Norris -
- no, Mr. Norris, I'm not questioning your immense, God-given powers of fisticuffery. If you had played for the 1962 Mets, they would've won the World Series. No, please, Mr. Norris, I was only joking, does anyone remember laughter? Oh shit, tell my wife and kids I love them. Donate my body to science - if there's anything left - Zeppelin ruuuuulllllleeeesss............